Dear Twenty Twelve,

Well it appears that you’ll be leaving soon, and I want to thank you for your time. If you’ll oblige though, there are a few things I wanted to share about our relationship before you leave.

I wanted to say them in person, but this just seems easier. I know face-to-face I would start to broach an uneasy topic and you would be like “but what about Gangnam Style and Channing Tatum?”, and we would never get anywhere. That’s always your way, so it’s best I just put this on paper and let you do with it what you will.

If I can just come right out and say, the truth is you’ve been kind of shitty these past couple months. I know that’s harsh, but I think if you search yourself you’ll find I’m right.

I mean really? What happened? It’s almost like you gave up. You were totally into this and then the wheels kind of fell off. You acted out, you broke promises, and were for the most part a jerk to be around.

Now before you stop reading, let me slow down. We did have our good moments. I think back about our talks of “Linsanity” and how we stayed up late watching the Olympics. You got super into politics and I felt like we really connected.

But, let’s be honest, you started making some odd decisions. And I know, it’s like all my friends tell me, “how did you not see this coming?”

Like when you took away Whitney Houston and introduced me to Honey Boo Boo? Or when you said “don’t worry, the Giants won’t win the Super Bowl”…and then you TOTALLY LET THEM WIN THE SUPER BOWL!

We started to fight a lot, and I think we both lost sight of what was important. We came into this relationship with wide eyes and open hearts. And I wanted to believe that we were on the right track. At times we were. But the last couple months has said a lot about you.

You lied about the election, said it was going to be close and I should pay attention. And while I was distracted you started inviting over friends that you know I’m not cool with. Like Hurricane Sandy and Dubstep. You got violent and had that weekend I don’t ever want to speak of again in Connecticut. Besides that, you hurt me personally with a lot of the things you said and did. When I called you on it, you were like “the worlds gonna end Friday!!!!”

It didn’t, and once again your dramatics have disappointed me.

I’ve done some soul-searching, and I’m ready to move on. I’m ready to forgive you for the things that you’ve done and celebrate the moments that brought us both joy. I’ve learned to not over think relationships like this, and to be happy with myself. I don’t try to figure things out quite as hard as I used to. I find it better to just take each moment for what it is, and know that the next one will be along shortly.

Honestly, you’ve taught me a lot. And I thank you for that.

I’ll remember you always. Not in the “gosh he was great” Davy Jones way, but in the “no seriously, in 20 years history will think Bush was a great President” way.

Sincerely,

Michael Cerio