Well, it happened y’all. Miley Cyrus released “Bangerz” this week and we are all still here. The clocks on computers still function, South Street has not been quarantined, and I have a “just in case” cabinet full of Spam that now seems like an overreaction.

The truth is “Bangerz” is a whirling cyclone of pop culture that WE created. It’s the Voltron of Bravo TV, Forever 21, US Weekly, and all things Hip Hop. But whether you want to believe it or not, the captain of this off-road adventure is talented, trained, and has a set of pipes to pull it off…mostly.

When “Bangerz” hits, it hits hard. In the land of broken-hearted ballads, “Wrecking Ball” stands above most in today’s pop set. “We Can’t Stop” is still perfect, and “My Darlin’” is strangely emotive and endearing.

Then there’s “FU“, which is a surprising show-stopper plucked from Velma Kelly‘s “Chicago” catalog, under the direction of Skrillex. Oh yeah, and she Out-Britney’s Britney on “SMS“.

However, when she misses, she misses hard. “4X4” is a mess, with maybe easily the worse lyric about “pissing on yourself” of the year. Even country’s favorite rapper can’t save this one.

“Love Money Party” is as empty as you think it might be, while “#GETITRIGHT” is one of the many generic formula pop tunes that drags down this record.

In the end though, we are seeing the evolution of an artist, a reborn talent who still has a soft spot on her creative head. It’s not epic on either side of the spectrum, but it’s a nice appetizer for the Cyrus to come.

As divisive as Miley has become, I think there are still a few things we can accept as universal truths. For instance, football is always better with friends, Ryan Gosling is handsome, and…perhaps most obviously…PARIS HILTON SHOULD NOT BE SINGING ANYWHERE EVER FOR-EVVVVERRRRR.

Yet she insists.

Somehow she talked Lil’ Wayne into coming along for the ride this time. Robitussin don’t buy itself it seems. Listen once to laugh and then immediately clean your speakers.

There are better things to fill your ears with this week. Deap Vally‘s full length release, and this collection from Parquet Courts are just the kick to the palate you need.

However, my favorite of the week is this release from Albert Hammond Jr. Sit back and enjoy a simpler time when men were men, and Strokes were Strokes.